Ever have that day when everything is going fine (and for a Monday) and then you get an email that changes the day and then a phone call that really changes your day, well today was my day for me. Today my mother sent me an email titled "Heads up" and my first thought is that there was a change to the weekend plans that we have. Well lets just say that I wish it was just a minor change to the plans and not what her email said. The email states that during church yesterday in their second song that her left side of her mouth just would not move and she wrote my dad a note about what was going on and started to cry, (as her mother died of a stroke in 1983 and so it really scared her). So as I read this email and got worried but she had already seen her doctor and ran test and nothing was showing signs of a stroke and I thought okay good just a fluke. Then I get a voice mail from my mom and I caledl her back without listening to it and my dad answered the phone, I knew something was wrong but said "oh I thought I called mom's cell" (which I know I did as the display on my phone at worked had moms number). My dad told me that I needed to pick up the kids from "school" (as mom was going to do this), because they admitted her to the hospital for observations as she had another episode sometime today and the doctor is doing observations on her for mini strokes. Ok I did my best to stay strong and not break down on the phone but as soon as I hung up the tears started. I have had so many thoughts go through my head and we don't even know what "it" is yet. I just hate the unknown. I know some of my friends have told me "be strong for you family" and I know that I have said that in the past, but let me just say, that is easier said than done. How does one go around and be strong when all you want to do is cry, scream and ask God WHY??? I know that he knows his plans for our futures like he tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I have looked to those words so many times for other things but this time it is hard not to say what are the plans Lord, what are they?
I am not one that likes to wait and I want answers and this is so hard having to wait. I told my mother in law that I want whatever is causing this pain that I want it to leave and to never come back. Yes Lord that is what I want, but I know that you have your will, and I know that no matter what I want, your will, will be done.
I also started thinking about this whole blog thing about "Don't Carpe Diem" or do, and my thoughts about it now are 100% differently. I am amazed about how you can read something one day and then a few days later it take a whole new meaning to your life. Well I say no matter what good or bad, that we should always "CARPE DIEM!" I too have my moments with the kids, family, husband, in laws and just life, but today has taught me that no matter what the Lord has given me today and that I will live this day for Him!!! After all he is the reason why I am able to wake up every morning and see my family!
"This is the DAY that the LORD has MADE, LET us REJOICE and be GLAD in it!" Psalm 118:24. So no matter what his Will with my family will be, I will still "Carpe Diem" and Rejoice, as I know that he is teaching me something, I just don't know what yet. And yes it is very hard to do this, but I know that this is what my mother would love for her family to do!
Lord I ask that you lay your healing hand on my mom and grant her your healing. Please Lord guide the doctors and nurses during this time and help them learn the issue that is going on and be able to treat whatever it is. Be with my father and grant him the strength he needs to take care of my mom. Lord just help guide us all during this time and take this stress from me and teach me on how to deal with this. I know that you will carry us during this time, in your name Lord, Amen.
